So, your twist on reality is related to your senses: Smell, Sound, Touch.
I know how the wood on the edges of the old bar feels at work.
I know how the upstairs smells when I’m printing new beer menus.
I know how the lighting shines in my eyes when I’m dimming the bulbs.
It’s a different thing to talk about our whole orientation to life.
I read an article today about toxoplasma gandii, which we can apparently get from cats that makes us much more aggressive and risk taking. What stuck out to me was the part about a change in the likability of certain smells–smells that one once liked, one may suddenly hate.
I am a smell person. I say this knowing that we are not all smell people: I have dated a few people who are not smell people and they are very shocking to know, once you find out who they are.
IE: The way your clothes and breath smelled did not strike them the way their clothes and breath smells struck you… Essentially you fell in love with someone on terms they never cared about. Devastating, and it happens every day.
(I have had the sad luck of falling for probably A person who was my equivalent in sensation-sensitive sensing. And I am sure it haunts you forever: Forever wondering if that person, however inept they were in every or any other way, maybe would satisfy you the most because they could get real deep into the smell of leaves rotting in the fall or the thick, musty smell of the wood of an old dresser some family member left you.)
What does it mean to be a sensation person?
I’m not sure yet, but it makes me worry that there is a lot more going on to sensation than what we accredit to it. My sense of smell orients me in endless ways that the more evolved part of my brain doesn’t have to deal with.
Being a very logical and generally, overly-level-headed person, I wonder if there isn’t some sort of fight going on between our two brains.
I also read an article today about suicide. How verbal it is: Waking up to “You should end it today”. How absent the senses are from such a perception.
Is it possible that our brains are fighting some sort of sensation versus logic war where the suicidal are always too logical but also somehow at just the same time super overly sensitive? The classic two sides to the same coin??
Is that not exactly what every drug addict, depressed, ADD, hyperactive, bipolar person is? A marrying of the sensitive with the logical, to the point of breakdown? Everything makes too much sense and so much sense on the sensation spectrum?
Where can we exist where this makes sense? Do we have to be a couple generations (or endless generations) of stuck, confused people? Or do we figure out how these types of questions and, more importantly, PERCEPTIONS, are the forefront, the center piece, to what it is to be alive?
Instead of the background of genius, pain, and self-destruction, Do we find a comfortable, comforting and accepting place?
That should be the goal, at least…
Are we maybe a battle of the logical versus sense-ical parts of ourselves?
Is the deep, dark sense of pain in me that’s been living and breathing hard since i was young not some silly thing, not some categorical “depression” or “addiction” thing, but a part of me that has been taught to me by society that I am trying to reconcile with the part of me that wants to throw this computer across the room and go lay outside on the ground with the spiders and moths
